A Home. . . On Mission

With all of the chain breaking, household tips and keeping our lives simple that we keep talking about here at Mary and Martha, I have felt increasing lead to share my own personal testimony, and the chains that the Lord broke for me about six years ago that are far more precious then successfully marking off everything on a silly to do list. The freedom to take care of my husband and family first and foremost, and the wisdom to understand what true obedience to Christ is despite what some well meaning Christians; including myself are some times lead to believe.

My testimony begins like a lot of peoples, not too exciting-I grew up in a large family with lots of love and the knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father was just something I had always known and a very easy concept for for me to understand. As I entered in to High-School,unfortunately like most kids popularity and fun were my top priority-Not Jesus. I did attend church with my family and youth group and had a very consensus mind set that all of this was something I would embrace whole heartily when I had a family of my own-But for the time being I didn't want to miss out on anything FUN!

I met Shane when I was 20 years old. It didn't take long to know that he was the one and was everything I had imagined in my future spouse. He was not a church goer (but neither was I at the time) But he did believe in God and we shared the same moral compass (which I would describe as old fashion conservatism) and he was one of the most honest men I had ever met-Sometimes too honest! As we all know by now, young and in love girls can be quite naive, and I went into our marriage with the assumption that when we started our family we would attend church~ as a family.

The dream of that family became a reality in April of 2000. Like all mothers, I was completely taking aback by the love that consumed me for this new little man in my life. Like I had said earlier, I have had a very blessed life-and an abundance of love has never been lacking in it, but for the first time I understood a love so strong I would die for it. I dove into the bible and could not get enough of Gods word, I no longer found it confusing and hard to understand. I could see it for what it was; not a book full of silly traditions and rules; but a Fathers letter to his children, teaching them and warning them of the dangers in this world, trying desperately to get them to understand so they would avoid the path that would lead them to heartache and death, the same thing I want for my own children.  My focus was on my son, and to make sure I raised him according to Gods word, so we of course started going to Church and Sunday School, and to my very public disappointment~alone with no Shane, who wanted no part in messing with his Sunday routine (which usually involves working, not by his choice-but by his career choice). Of-course I saw myself as a perfect submissive Christian wife, always having supper on the table, and jumping to fill his glass when he rattled it, unfortunately I also thought my Christian mother and wifely duties also included letting him know exactly how disappointed I was he would not go with me to church, and what he was watching on TV in front of our child, and the attitude he had when something didn't go his way and the list of his discrepancy went on and on. As I look back at this time in our lives, I am so amazed that our marriage even held together, you would be too if you knew the no-nonsense Mr, Command Man I am married to!

A year and a half after our second son was born a dream came true for us as we were able to purchase a small 80 acre farm outside of Isabel. At the same time I was feeling lead to leave the church I was attending, not of any fault of the church or the people that attended, there was just some things on a national level that I was not comfortable with and was increasing liking the idea of finding a bible believing non denominational church-The move to Isabel was perfect timing, as I was closer to Pratt and could possible go to church there. While being bashful, and not being able to meet new people has never been a problem for me, the idea of walking in to a church by myself with two small children seemed pretty over whelming. There was also a lot of work that needed done that summer on our new home, and Sundays were about the only time Shane could work on things, so I put off looking for a church that summer. It was a wonderful summer, we had so much fun working on the house and the tranquility that country life had brought into our lives. I could also tell that Shane was really enjoying the Sunday mornings and Wednesday evenings he was once again enjoying with his woman at his side. But as fall approached and my bible study was starting to meet I was increasingly missing the fellowship-but more importantly having the boys in regular and steady Sunday school classes-After all, I had to raise them right and be the spiritual leader since their father was not stepping up!

It started out like a lot of Sundays at our home, Shane works for a Natural Gas Plant and is on 24 hour call ever two weeks. At 2:30am Sunday morning the Answering Service called our house, and Shane as usual when that call comes in, hops right out of bed and makes the 45 min. drive to the plant. That morning I read a bible story to the boys as they did a simple craft project of gluing news paper scrapes to a foam cross and we wrote across the top of it “SHARE THE GOOD NEWS”. I was very excited that day because my small group was meeting for the first time since the end of spring and I was really excited to see everyone and to get back into the swing of things, if not at a church yet at least I would be having weekly Bible Study and Small group. I had my day all planned, including Shane's favorite meal-I figured if I feed him well it would soften the blow that I would be leaving him for the evening, besides he was going to be exhausted anyway, that would also work to my advantage! Right as I was getting ready to start on his “You Won't Have Your Woman, But At Least You'll Eat A Steak Meal”, Shane walks in the door and tells me to get the boys ready, he is going to get our trailer so we could go back to the gas plant to get some old pipe that would work perfect for the pipe fence he planned to build around our place and if we picked it up before Monday we could just have it, other wise it was getting hauled off. This was totally messing with my plans, but I thought “We should still make it back in time-I just won't have time to make him steak”. We finally had made it home with only about 45 minutes until the start of Small group and I still had to get myself, and the two boys cleaned up and drive the 20 miles to the small group.(they would have to go with we me since Shane could get called out at anytime.) I hesitantly ran them thru the tub, and when they got out they both thought they needed their pj's on-that was no big deal I could take them to the nursery in pajamas. But my youngest who was barley two at the time was worn-out; and after he was dressed begged me “ ock me mommy, ock me.” So I begrudgingly threw him on my lap and began to quickly rock him-My plans were going south-FAST! As I wearily rocked him I prayed, “Lord, I want to serve YOU, I want to live a life YOU would be proud of, I want to raise these boys to grow up to be Godly Men ~ Committed to leading their families in your ways, not this worlds, Instead all I do is serve this Man!” As I sat there, the following seemed to be whispered in my ear. “Kristi, If you want to serve yourself, then you can throw a sandwich at your husband, load these tired babies in a car seat, and keep them up another four hours, so you can spend time with your friends. But if you want to serve me, you will finish rocking this tired baby to sleep, you will lovingly and graciously go and prepare a proper meal for a man who has just worked 16 hours straight with hardly any sleep to provide for you and these children.” A peace immediately came over me, “Okay”, I said to myself, “That is what I'll do”, but Lord I sure hope that is really your voice I am listening to and not someone else' s.” With the littlest one peaceful sleeping in his bed, I got to work on our dinner, and as I was busy in the kitchen washing potatoes, I hear my four old, excitedly hop on his daddy's lap, “Daddy, Look what we made today; It is a cross that says Share the Good News, The good news that Jesus loves us, and died on the cross for our sins, and Daddy Jesus loves you too!”Shane answer's with a “I sure hope so buddy”. Brett confidently assured him that he knew he did, and the two of them sat there admiring Brett's cross and discussing the love of God. I was still in the kitchen hardly able to control my emotion, I knew then without a doubt whose voice I had listened to that night. And to think at that very moment Shane could have been siting alone, eating a bologna sandwich, feeling like he was nothing more then a paycheck, and in competition with God, but instead he was being witnessed to by his four year old son.

That night, along with a book called Created to Be His Help Meet: Discover How God Can Make Your Marriage Glorious by Debi Pearl that I would recommend every wife or soon to be wife read, completely changed my life. I relinquished my self proclaimed role of being Shane's mother and holy-spirit, those positions were already filled anyway. Instead I proudly resumed my God given honor as being his Helper, Friend and Lover. As a result in the past six years a lot of other things have changed as well, I spend more time concentrating on where Shane will spend eternity and not his Sunday mornings, we have also added two more boys to our quiver. Of-course Shane is still the same ole (and I mean this with love) bullheaded command man, but with a much softer and loving side, I did go on to find a wonderful bible believing Church,  Shane has even went with me a few times , but dressing up and sitting still is just not something he is very comfortable with and much prefers to stay at home on Sundays to unwind after a long week; working with our little cow heard and playing with his boys. He is always excited to watch a Christian movie with us, or educational documentary on creation and will intently listen as I read the bible to the boys, and I can see he as a desire to learn more about our savior (I say our, because I am really not for sure if he understands Jesus is his Savior as well). Most Saturday nights we lay out our Sunday best ready for church in the morning, but Sunday morning rolls around and I find it hard to leave the embrace of a man that is so commented to serving his family, even thou I know he wouldn't care and may even come with me if I asked nice enough.

Does my story mean that I don't think that families need to make going to Church a priority in their lives, ABSOLUTLLY NOT. I can still be filled with an over whelming fear that I am not raising my boys to be proper Godly leaders in their homes, or what if something happens to one of us and our preacher and church family hardly even know who we are? I have learned to give these fears over to the Lord, and he reminds me that I am very mistaken (and you are too) if all it takes to train up Godly children is to have them in a Church as often as the doors are open. What good would that do if at home mom and dad barley speak to each other, and their homes are in constant turmoil with nagging and orders so everyone can be rushing here and there after every activity under the sun.

So more then likely you will not be seeing me sitting in a pew on Sunday morning, but I'm not just sitting at home. Instead the Lord has sent me to the Mission Field. . . Loving 4 boys and a daddy to Christ!